No, I'm not getting married!! But this was the best way I think I can describe the past few days. Wednesday was our first day back to CU after a month off (or for me 5 days off after May term), and we have spent almost every minute since then either rehearsing or sleeping! I am exhausted, but wanted to get some thoughts down before I drift off to sleep.
I've been on HeartSong for about 9 months now, but I still feel so new to this. I still haven't experienced the best part about being on a team: touring for an entire summer. I have been looking forward to this since about a month into joining HeartSong. I remember every Sunday being so sad that tour was over and having to wait another 3 weeks or so before we would tour again as a team. And now it's finally here! It's finally time to spend 10 weeks with my team: no school, no other obligations, nothing but this community and this ministry. I am SO EXCITED!
The past few days we've set up our equipment and torn it down, played a ton of familiar songs, packed up the trailer, and ridden in the van together as a team. All familiar things. But, we have also learned how to set up trussing for our projectors and screen, learned and created several new songs, and found out more about each other by sharing our life maps. All different things. Something old, something new.
As Rachel would say, I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the earth. I'm looking out to a horizon of completely new and unknown things, and even though I am so excited, I am also incredibly nervous. I remember this same feeling when I started my job at Camp Carl three years ago; even though I had been at camp for 9 years before that, I didn't know what working there was like, and I was so nervous and uneasy with the unknown. In the same way, even though I've been touring for 9 months, I don't know what summer tour is like, what this new camp is going to be like, and I'm nervous.
Isaiah 6:8 says, "I heard the voice of the Lord say, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, "Here am I! Send me!" That is part 1 of my prayer for the summer. I want to say to God daily, "Here am I! Send me!" No matter how nervous I am, I want to be sent and used by Him this summer. Jesus was so nervous, even in agony, when He made the ultimate sacrifice for me. How could I ever let nervousness hold me back?? I want God to send me and use me in crazy ways this summer so that His name will be glorified!
Part 2 of my prayer for the summer comes from Galatians 5:13, which says, "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love." I want to serve my teammates, the counselors at Lake Ann, the campers there, the host families we stay with, and the churches we play in... I want to serve them all in love. Like everyone, I have a habit of indulging the sinful nature, a habit that manifests itself in different ways in everyone. My prayer is that I will avoid falling into that habit and that I will actively serve the people around me in love. In love; not in selfishness or obligation or in hopes to get something out of it, but in love.
Something old, familiar, comforting: God's grace in my life. Something new, unfamiliar, daunting: traveling all summer. God's grace I know will continue to pull me through, and I will have the honor of loving others, just a little bit like He loves me, in a new place, maybe in a different way. I am nervous, but even more excited about what He will do and what I will discover about Him in the next 10 weeks.
Until the next post: Soli Deo Gloria!!